Week 26

I am 6 and a half months along today.  On some days, it feels like this baby is taking forever to show up but on others, I feel like I don’t have enough time to prepare for him.  I think the nesting phase of my pregnancy is finally starting to kick in.  I am dreaming of a nursery filled with light, books, planets, spaceships and comfort.  I have some lists from friends who became mothers a while ago but I know that no matter how I’m trying to prepare for his arrival, I will never be prepared. I will be smitten. And those of you who have been smitten in your life, know how hard it is to hold yourself together and think straight.

We have finally decided on a name but apart from family and close friends, we have not really revealed it. All in good time, my friends.

These days, the little guy kicks me almost constantly.  He reminds me on my drive into work that he’s there listening to NPR with me.  On my way home from work, he pokes me to either tell me to stop singing at the top of my lungs or he’s just be-boppin’ along with me.  When daddy talks to him at night, instead of listening intently, it feels like he wants to join in.

For a pregnancy, I can gratefully say that it’s been quite smooth sailing so far.  The doctors and nurses take care of me without being too bossy.  Mike is always there to rub my back, ice my rash (yes, I’m Queen Itchie) and soothe my night calf cramps.  As a reward, he gets to feel the baby kick or poke or bump.

I love my guys so much! A girl can only be this lucky.

Our little guy

We are having a baby boy. A sweet little guy who just loves to wriggle around in my belly. For a while now, I’ve had the feeling that my little one was going to be a boy, I guess mums just have a sort of instinct. All I hope for is a healthy baby because I know that I will love any baby of mine unconditionally.

The scan went well, he is healthy with all the necessary parts and pieces. It looks like I am doing a fairly good job of gestating and we continue to hope that the rest of the journey will be smooth too.

We did not have  a very chatty ultrasound tech and apparently, I am not easy to scan. I guess the poor man was trying to avoid my quickly recovering incision. Still, we got a few blurry prints – this one is my favorite – our little guy has his hand up to his mouth. Oh what I would give for a self-soother!

The Wolf and Seven Young Kids

Do you know that Brothers Grimm fable about the wolf and 7 young kids? Kids as in little goats? Well, I have been feeling like how the wolf has felt after his stomach was cut open, filled with stones and sewn back.

I’ve debated about sharing this story with you but it is such a important step in this pregnancy that I have to let you know.

In my last post, I shared about the scary pains in my belly as being a bump in the road but it turns out, it was a warning sign that I needed surgery to remove a cyst that has been growing in my belly. It was such a horrible pain that I felt last Friday (3/11) evening. I was doubled over in pain as M rushed me to urgent care. I feared for my little one’s safety but I could barely wrap my head around the pain I felt. I was hospitalized that night but I knew that I was bound for the OR to remove the cyst.

The surgery went well, M steadfast by my side, reassuring me all the time that it was going to be alright and that he will be there when I woke, even when he feared for my well-being. The nurses and doctors were amazing and supportive. I cannot thank them enough for the care they took of me.

The last of my staples came out today but I am still taking things slow and easy as I heal from the 8″ long incision on my belly. It’s quite the battle scar.

It’s been a trying week, physically, emotionally and mentally. But I really feel like I have found my way home. Particularly to M, who has never strayed from my side since I’ve been a little lost trying to find myself since more than 20 months ago. He deserves the award for a true companion in my life.

We are due for our anatomy scan on Wednesday but we got to see our little one that fateful Friday. I was in much pain but it was still good to see him tumbling about in my belly. Yes, him. I am going to be a proud mum of a son whom I hope, will follow in his daddy’s steadfast and loving footsteps.

Don’t worry about me too much, my friends, I am surely on the mend. My fate will be unlike the one of the wolf who ends up at the bottom of the well. On the contrary, I am on my way up.

Thank you for always keeping me and M in your thoughts and prayers. We are lucky.

Flow

Recently, I hit a little road bump on this journey with my little one.  Nothing alarming, just a little scare of crazy upper abdomen pain in the middle of the night. I had no idea what the pain was and why it came so suddenly and I tried to remain calm.  M was roused as I tossed and turned and even though it was comforting to have him there rubbing my belly, I realized that this was my personal journey. I was to experience this pregnancy mostly alone, especially when it came to any physical sensation.

The next morning, I woke and called the nurse. She assured me that everything was fine and that maybe I needed to drink more water, and perhaps add more fiber to my diet. I tried that and the next night, even though I still felt the pain, it was much weaker. Finally yesterday at prenatal yoga, I got even more reassurance that it was nothing to be alarmed about,  a lot of women at my stage experience the same thing. Things are just being pushed around with my growing bump.

Today, I read a useful meditation that I’d like to share. It’s helped me understand how I can continue on my little journey and savor each moment.

Ups and Downs

Two things in the world you never regret: a swim in the ocean, the birth of a child. — Mary Gordon

Embarking on pregnancy is a lot like stepping into the ocean. You approach the mercurial water and slowly wade in, never sure when a wave will knock you down.

Sometimes you’ll keep your head above water, swimming along with swift, sure strokes. Other times you’ll surrender, letting the waves wash over you.

Give yourself to the powerful ebb and flow of nature and to the rhythms of your own body.

—–

I can go with the flow. I always have.